


Crazier Things

by bazaroff



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ANGST MONSTER, Abandonment Issues, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo - Freeform, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Birthday Sex, Blame my friends for encouraging me, Break Up, Breaking the Bed, F/M, Fireman Carry?, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Get this girl a time machine, Guilt, Heavy Angst, How many lyrics can I throw into dialog, I was told to tag, Kinda, Manhattan, Mind the Tags, POV Ben Solo, Post-Break Up, References to Depression, Rey Needs A Hug, Scavenger Rey (Star Wars), So here we are, Songfic, Songfic smutress, Stay for the smut, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Time Skips, Trust Issues, Work for your HEA, come for the angst, how many tags are too many, it's open ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25454350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bazaroff/pseuds/bazaroff
Summary: Ben let five little words tear apart his relationship three months ago. Now he finds himself at the same bar where a year ago he met the girl in a beautiful green dress. As he begins to reflect on their relationship after those three months apart, their two paths cross again.  Crazier things have happened, but maybe they were just meant to be.I've been trying not to think about it, I can't help itI know you don't wanna hear from me, but I am selfishIt kills me inside you can drink on Friday nightsNot even pick up the phoneIt amazes me you move on so easilyFrom someone that you once called home"Crazier Things" by Chelsea Cutler and Noah Kahan
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 27
Kudos: 104





	Crazier Things

**Author's Note:**

> Find the full lyrics [here!](https://www.google.com/amp/s/genius.com/amp/Chelsea-cutler-and-noah-kahan-crazier-things-lyrics), And the song [here!](https://open.spotify.com/track/3K7vPyMCcecKRotnu08MMP?si=cGjsRU8BRomouVKPZuw38g)
> 
> Thank you so much to my sprint fam for taking so many trips to hel with me to get this fic done, and the absolutely amazing and encouraging feedback they gave me! I'm looking at you EquusGirl, ekayla, dyadinbloom, and Somewhere_overthe_Reylo. An extra thanks you Somewhere_overthe_Reylo for betaing this for me, and also Equusgirl for brainstorming summaries. I couldn't have finished this without our sprints and I love you all!
> 
> **Updated 9.16.2020, Content of story has not changed. Realized I published the non-beta version of this originally, so I made that correction**

His mind was endlessly running through every minute detail of how he got to this point. How everything fell apart so quickly. The last thing Ben wanted was to end up back at this bar. He had been fighting to keep her out of mind, but his thoughts wouldn’t relent.

Absentmindedly pulling open his phone contacts he began scrolling through to find her, losing count of how many times he had done this exact thing today. It was her birthday. 

He stared at the small thumbnail of her face while his thumb hovered over the call button. He had snapped the photo one morning while she stood making breakfast clad only in his oversized t-shirt. It was a reminder of their daily routine that he had thought would never come to an end. It was too intimate of a photo to still have for her contact, but he couldn’t bring himself to delete it. 

Ben released a sigh before he clicked the power button, extinguishing the screen once more. He returned the offending device to his pocket. Looking over to notice the side eye Gwen was giving.

“Just call her already.” 

He frowned, training his eyes forward again. “She doesn’t want to hear from me.”

Hux barked a laugh, “When did that ever stop you!”

Ben continued to ignore them as they made their way the last few blocks to the corner bar. It was their fault that he was about to walk into the place he had avoided since the night he destroyed his relationship. The same place where exactly one year ago, he met the girl he thought would be his forever.

It was impossible to live in New York City without having an epic love story. Whether or not that story ended in a happy ever after was a different matter altogether. You could connect yourself to everyone in the city by either long days or heartbreak.

Regretfully, he had to face both. Being overworked at your job would be fine if that work was rewarding. That wasn’t the case for him. His boss was a selfish prick. One who made Ben contemplate if murrder charges would be less painful than sharing space with the man.

The heartbreak, Ben could accept. It was his own fault everything came crashing down. A wave of regret and suffering had followed him for months, wishing he could just push her out of his mind long enough to begin healing. For weeks he found himself in the living room at night leaning against the window frame only to find Manhattan awake with him.

Eventually the motion of the city had begun to take the sting away, but the longing remained. Maybe one day he won't need to run away from it all. Maybe he will begin to believe that someone else could love him the way he knew she had. 

A warm breeze hit his face as he opened the restaurant's heavy set door, letting his two friends pass before entering himself. The place looked exactly the same. He half expected it to have changed completely in the last three months.

The Apparatus Room was an adaptive reuse of an old Fire Department Headquarters. Ben loved that they had been able to restore the large firehouse doors. They were framed by glass windows that let the light to stream in from the street, setting the place aglow at night. When guests entered, their eyes would follow the large tile wrapped columns up to find exposed joists and the original tinplate ceiling tiles.

The bar sat at the center, U-shaped with a walnut surface, and clad in Carrara. 500 some glass bulbs twinkled above the bar, some even hand blown. They were meant to be reminiscent of the street lamps of New York. As the Project Architect, he would know. 

Ben had spent hours making sure they were perfectly placed with Kaydel. His sister just happened to be hired as the interior designer for the project, and she was just as meticulous as he was. The restaurant had been his first lead project, and after it was completed he used to frequent the place often.

Ben trailed behind Gwen and Hux, following them to take a seat at the bar while greeting staff that recognized him on their way. The bartender made his way over to them, and he ordered his usual, before turning his gaze to look across the bar. He almost expected her to be there once again. 

_~*~_

_She had been sitting at the bar for about 20 minutes. Her green cocktail dress pulling tight at her future with lace keyholes at the neckline, and mousy brown hair cut at her shoulders. Ben noticed it was slightly curling at the ends. Ben watched her smile as she talked with the bartender, all teeth and dimpled cheeks. He would have argued he didn’t have a type until he saw her._

_The drink she had been nursing sat in front of her as she rolled her finger around the lip absentmindedly, sending occasional glances toward the dimly lit entry of the bar. He watched her turn around, reaching into the pocket of the coat draped over the back of her chair only to return with her phone before turning it on. The screen cast a glow across her face and Ben noticed her freckles._

_Damn. So pretty. Pretty in the way that made him want to take her home to meet his parents, and that was saying something given his family history. Just his luck that she was waiting for someone._

_As if his thoughts had summoned her gaze, she raised her eyes from the screen in front of her to catch Ben staring at her. He could either divert his gaze or make a bold move. Choosing the latter, he raised his drink in a cheers with a small smirk before bringing the glass met his lips._

_Much to his surprise, she smiled, twinkle in her eye and met his cheers with one of her own from across the bar. Her gaze returned to her phone absentmindedly, and before Ben realized, he had stood from his spot following the path over to her. He noticed her bouncing her knee as he approached, nervous or impatient he couldn’t tell._

_Placing a hand on the seat next to her, he asked, “This seat taken?”_

_She looked up from her phone in surprise, but her smile returned, “No, please,” She motioned for him to sit._

British, _Ben thought,_ surprising. _Not what he expected but had him intrigued all the same. How had she found herself alone at a bar in Manhattan? As he pulled the seat out he noticed her looking to the entry door once again._

_He let out a nervous chuckle, “I have seen you glance at the door at least ten times in the last five minutes and I am starting to get anxious for you. First date?”_

_Returning her gaze back to him, she smiled. His motives were glaringly transparent but she entertained his question all the same. “No date, just friends. They were meant to be here half an hour ago but If I had to guess, they decided to stay in for a fuck instead.”_

_He barked a laugh at her candor, “Well, how about you let me buy your next drink for your trouble.”_

_She angled her body toward him, leaning her cheek to rest on her hand, elbow sitting on the bar top. “Who says your company is welcome?” she said with a smirk._

_“A man can dream, but you did let me sit next to you,” he retorted with a cocky smile. Ben held out his hand, “Ben Solo.”_

_“Rey Niima,” She took his hand, their smiles slowly growing as they refused to leave the others' gaze._

_~*~_

A loud laugh jarred him back to reality. A laugh he had spent nine months memorizing.

“Oh, for the love of the Maker, please no.” Ben let out, mortified, rotating his shoulders to look at the table behind him.

She was wearing the same dress she had been a year ago the night he met her. He almost would have thought he had traveled back in time if her hair wasn’t longer now. Falling past her shoulders with half pulled back in a small bun.

He noticed Rose and Finn hadn’t stood her up this year. They were side by side on one side of the oversized leather booth, Rose currently leading across the table in an attempt to place one of those silly birthday hats atop her head. Rey dodged it, her head falling back in another loud laugh, Ben noticed another person in the booth next to her.

He sucked in a breath, taking in the image of the man next to her.

“Of fucking course.” Ben murmured as he returned to face the bar once again, ducking his shoulders, and taking a long drink from the cocktail before him.

_~*~_

_They had been talking for hours, and eventually found themselves in a booth against the windows. Still no sign of her friends. She didn’t seem to mind, though both of them had had their fair share of alcohol by this point. Inhibitions were lowered and Ben knew he should end the night before he got carried away._

_Rey seemed to have a different thought in mind. During a lull in the conversation, no explanation, she stood up and began packing up her things, making her way to the exit. Only turning back when she realized he wasn’t following._

_“You know, I’ll give it my best go, but I don’t think I can navigate myself to your apartment without you.”_

_Ben was stunned, mouth agape, before realizing. After snapping his jaw shut, he began worrying at his lip, “I didn’t want to presume.”_

_Rey walked over to where he was still seated and bent at her waist over him. Placing a hand on either side of the booth behind his head, she effectively caged him in. She began lowering her face, as though she were going to kiss him, only to duck lower until he could feel her breath tickle at his ear._

_“Take me home Ben,” she purred in his ear, before making to move away._

_Her tone struck a match that lit the fire within him. Without hesitation he grasped behind her neck, pulling her back down so that he could crash his lips to hers. She returned his excitement and pushed the kiss deeper, only for Ben to pull away with a cluck of his tongue._

_“What I want to do to you is not suitable for a public place sweetheart, so I hope you have enough discipline for the both of us, otherwise we won’t make it home.”_

_Ben watched her pupils grow, dilating in desire, just barely noticing the way her breath hitched. He let her stand before following out of the booth and held out his hand. She laced her fingers through his, letting him lead the way out the restaurant and the two blocks to his apartment._

_Upon arrival, he staggered backwards by the sudden halt of the woman he was tethered to. Releasing her hand, he turned to find Rey's gaze angled up, gaping at the building. Ben continued toward the entry, stopping once again and began to awkwardly shift his weight from foot to foot as he waited for her to follow. She allowed her eyes to drop to him, jaw still on the sidewalk. Pointing up while keeping her gaze steady, she questioned, “You live here?” Ben nodded. “Damn,” She let out a breathy sigh of disbelief, “Happy Birthday to me.”_

_He laughed, “C’mon beautiful,” he held his hand out once again, willing her to take it, before pulling her into the lobby and toward the elevator. He fought his twitchy hands, knowing security wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if he fucked her in the lift._

_The bell signaled the arrival to his penthouse, and Ben startled Rey as he turned and bent to pick her up. Hands enveloping her waist, he threw her over his shoulder in a fireman's hold as she let out a squeal of delight. Carrying her to his room, he jolted at the sensation of her pinching his ass. With a playful grin, he gave a light smack to hers in return before throwing her on the bed. He wanted to watch her small frame bounce, enveloping itself in the fluffy duvet, surrounded by too many pillows._

_That was decidedly not what happened as Rey fell to the bed, and a loud crack resonated through his bedroom. For a moment both stood shock still and looked at each other, before bursting out in hysterics._

_“Well, that’s one way to break your bed!” She bit out between her giggles._

_Ben internally groaned, even in her teasing, she made it impossible to think straight. “There are countless other ways I think we could test its structure before the night is over,” he gave Rey a cocky smirk. Bed be damned._

_Shifting his body weight onto the mattress, he settled one knee on either side of her thighs. He leaned forward, effectively pinning her to the mattress before beginning to kiss softly at her neck. After a few moments, he gently took the lobe of her ear between his teeth and nipped at it slightly._

_Ben heard her breath catch, giggles ceasing. He smiled against her neck before pushing off to settle at the end of the bed once again. He reached for her foot, gently releasing the clasp at her ankle before casting away the heel. He reached for her other and repeated the process, all the while she lay perched on the pillows watching him in admiration._

_Finishing the task, he led a trail of kisses up her calf, grazing her thighs before positioning himself between them. He gathered the fabric at the hem of her dress, pushing it up as he continued his pursuit, letting out a groan when he caught sight of the scrap of black fabric._

_He looked up at her from between her legs, noticing the green in her eyes had almost disappeared, overtaken by black. Ben gave her a cheshire grin before continuing to mouth at her inner thigh. Rey was squirming in anticipation beneath him. He looked up to her once again seeking approval, which she readily gave._

“Ben,” _she groaned out._ “Please!”

 _He chuckled, but allowed his thumb to graze over the fabric, damp with her need. Ben let out a growl, cock tightening further at the front of his slacks, “_ Jesus _Rey, you’re already so wet.” He dipped down and began to lightly suckle her clit through the sheer fabric of her lace panties._

_He watched as her eyes began to flutter shut, a small moan escaping her lips. Ben took a moment to slowly peel the scrap of lace from her body before burying his face once again between her thighs. Purposefully he began licking a stripe through her slit, twirling his tongue at the tight bundle of nerves above._

_His fists were bundled in the emerald fabric at her hip, but he released his grip to dip under her thighs. Pulling her tight against him as he dipped his tongue again through her folds. One arm wove it's way up and around her thigh seeking her clit, and fingers began to dance over the small bud. He felt the telltale soft flutters indicating that she was close, and he began to pulse his tongue into her, the pace of his fingers quickening at her clit. Her soft panting and moans slowly building in frequency and volume._

_Rey wound her hands into the sheets as she let her back arch. Letting out a throaty sob, she crested over the edge. Ben continued to lap at her tenderly, carrying her through her climax. As she melted into the duvet, she gave a dreamy look before reaching for him._

_Rey's frantic hands worked to pull his shirt off before bringing his lips to meet her own. Hands twisted lazily through his tresses, and she deepened the kiss letting tongues tangle. He was sure she could taste her own slick on his mouth, but she made no indication that she minded. Rey began sucking his lower lip into her mouth, moving to wrap her legs around his waist as she fought to find friction at her core once again._

_Ben smiled against her lips,“Easy there, sweetheart. Patience is a virtue.”_

_“Fuck patience,” she bit out in a groan._

_Ben clucked his tongue at her once again, and she let out a small whimper of disappointment before releasing her legs from him. She gazed up at him as he ran his hand up her shoulder, tickling fingers across her neck before coming to cup her cheek. He allowed his thumb to graze her swollen lips. She gently bit the tip of it before sucking it into her mouth, hollowing out her cheeks, never letting her eyes waver. Ben felt his cock twitch at the miniscule movements from her tongue. His erection becoming rather painful in his own need for release._

_He pushed off the bed to pull his body weight from her, and flipped her over and onto her stomach. Reaching for her hair he pulled it aside to reveal her neck. Ben took a moment to nip at the skin lightly before pulling back. He ran his hands up her back before resting at the zipper of her dress. Gently pulling at the catch, he released her from its binding presence with a trail of kisses along the expanse of pale skin at her spine. He rolled her back, and prompted her to raise her arms before beginning to inch the dress up and over her head._

_Ben let out a groan. She had on a demi plunge, black sheer to match the panties. The tops of her rosy nipples just barely peeking out from the lacy trim. He pulled the fabric down and cupped her breasts before bringing his mouth down to lick a stripe across one of the tight beads. He gently blew on it, letting her shiver and squirm at the cold air. He enveloped it again in his mouth as he began to roll the other through his fingers._

_She let out a deep moan, raising her hands to tangle in his hair once again, while holding his lips to her bosom. “Please-,” she gasped as he sucked bruise after bruise into the tissue surrounding her nipple._

_“Use your words sweetheart.” he lazily said, his kisses snaking to her other breast._

_Rougher than he expected, she ripped his head away from her chest by his hair, pupils fully blown at this point, and stared him straight in his eyes, “I need you inside of me, Ben,” she added a cheeky smile, releasing his hair to reach for his belt, “Please.”_

_He smiled and shifted his weight to allow her easier access. As she pulled his zipper down she reached between them, cupping the bulge that was straining there. He heard her breath catch as she noticed his size._

_“I was just trying to prepare you, but if you are so determined, you are welcome to try.”_

_“You know, typically I would laugh at someone stroking their ego like that, but you have every reason to from the feel of it.” She removed her hand only to shove at his shoulders, pushing him away from her. “Pants off. Now.”_

_He smiled as he sat back on his heels. “Bossy little thing, aren’t you?”_

_God, he might just be in love with this woman already. He liked a woman who wasn’t afraid to ask for what she wanted._

_“It’s not kind to keep the birthday girl waiting.” she crossed her arms, hiding her chest, waiting for him to strip._

_He laughed remembering her comment from outside the building. “Best we fix that then don’t you think?” He pulled a condom out of his pocket and placed it on the bed._

_Rey looked at the item briefly as though it offended her, “You don’t need that.”_

_“I don’t?”_

_“No,” She bit her lip, “I mean, i’m clean, and I have an implant, so as long as you are comfortable with forgoing it-” she trailed off._

_Ben nodded once, “I’m clean too. As long as you’re sure?”_

_“I’m sure.” Rey said, resolute, reaching to kiss him one more time before he slipped off the bed._

_Ben pulled his slacks and briefs down together, erection bouncing up as it was released. He watched Rey’s hungry gaze take in every inch of him, before she rolled onto her knees and began crawling toward him. She reached for him, curling her fingers around his length. Another small gasp from her while he watched her come to the realization that her fingers couldn’t quite reach each other. She looked up at him, brow furrowed, but eyes set, embracing the challenge._

_She bent down to lick a stripe along the vein at the underside of his cock, before running her tongue along the slit at his head, capturing the small bead of precum that had leaked out. When she went to take him into her mouth he put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him._

_“Not today,” He ducked down to kiss her softly again, and began to push her onto her back once more, hand traveling between her legs once again._

_“I can’t believe how goddamn wet you are sweetheart,” He continued to lazily glide his fingers through her slit, before bringing them up to run over his erection, coating himself before taking cock in hand._

_Lining himself up, he gave her one final look before driving into her, fully sheathing himself inside. She cried out, but he swallowed the sound, lips covering her own, as a moan quickly replaced it._

_He gave her a few moments to adjust to his size, only allowing himself to rock into her after she began to squirm beneath him once again. She continued rolling her hips into him, seeking her own friction._

_Ben let out a moan, “Rey, you’re so fucking tight.”_

_“No, you’re just massive,” She scoffed from beneath him, dragging his head down. She ran her tongue along the seam of his lips begging entrance as he began to drive his hips harder into her own._

_With every snap of his hips, he could feel her small gasps into his mouth. She felt like a dream, warm and wet, and the sounds he elicited from her driving him closer to the edge each second. He could feel her inner walls tightening, rising to that crest once again, and he reached to thumb at her clit. Rolling the bud between his fingers, begging for her release._

_He felt the moment she tipped over the edge, her walls began to pulse, gripping at his cock, milking him to find release of his own, and he continued to drive into her until his pace began to stutter and he felt himself spill inside of her. He gave a few more lazy thrusts, before wrapping his arms around her. Ben fell to his side, pulling her with him._

_Staring at each other, he reached to pull one of her legs up and over his hip, lighting tracing patterns on her calf. He rubbed his nose back and forth against hers before pulling his head back. He pulled his hand up to cup her cheek, “I hope I wasn’t too rough with you.”_

_She let out a content hum, eyes drifting closed “Not at all, it was perfect.”_

_He leaned forward to kiss her forehead, “I’m glad sweetheart.”_

_“I like it when you call me that.” her smile dropped a little when she pulled back, “I need to tell you something.”_

_Ben let out a nervous chuckle, “You’re not married right?”_

_He watched as she began worrying her lip, “No,” she sighed, “I wasn’t just being cheeky you know,” pausing and letting her gaze fall away from his, “It really is my birthday.”_

_Ben abruptly pulled back, “What!?” He was an ass. Of monumental proportions. “Rey, I’m sorry, Happy Birthday.” His heart fell further as he remembered that her friends stood her up. He began to plant kisses all over her face. She erupted into giggles, and pushed his face slightly away._

_“It’s okay, It turned out to be one of the better ones I’ve had.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Ben gave her that cocky smile again, “How about we work towards making it the best? I seem to remember my bed frame needing additional structural testing.”_

_She gave him a shy smile, “I’d like that.”_

_~*~_

The long drink quickly turned into consecutive gulps as he powered down the burning liquid. He slammed the glass on the counter a little harder than necessary and raised a finger to signal the bartender for another. 

She had moved on. Ben couldn’t believe this was happening. He knew she would eventually, but he definitely hadn’t prepared himself for this. Ben knew Poe was interested in her, but Rey had always insisted they were only friends and she wasn’t interested. Now, here they were, sidled up to each other, him in the place he should’ve been while celebrating her birthday properly this year.

Ben tried to steady his breathing to no avail, but allowed his fury to pass, overtaken by pain. Rey had been his entire life, and while he couldn’t even think of being out with another woman, here she was. He had chosen her as his family. She had called him her home. Apparently none of it mattered.

_~*~_

_“Rey, I swear you just put rocks in your suitcase.” He let out a huff, throwing her suitcase on the mattress. “Rey?” Ben called out for her, once he realized she hadn’t followed him in their room._

_Ben hadn't been to the summer home in the Hamptons in almost four years. He had avoided spending time with Han and Leia, but Rey had pushed for him to make amends. Three months into their relationship she had asked him why he never spoke of his family. He understood her curiosity, but had dodged the topic up until that point._

_Rey had grown up in foster care, and she liked to live vicariously through other people's memories. He relented, feeding her bits and pieces until one day his walls came crashing down, and he sobbed into her shoulder as she held him. They spent hours talking about the pain they had caused him throughout the years._

_Opening up to her eventually allowed him to accept his past and meet with his parents to work through the conflict and push forward. He had been working through his issues with them, and three months after his initial conversation with Rey, he finally felt comfortable enough to introduce them to her._

_Now here they were, six months together. It felt like six years. He had found his best friend in her. Their daily routine a quintessential element to his happiness._

_He ducked back into the hall, finding her standing in front of a wall of framed pictures. He noticed her eyes becoming glassy and red rimmed, and he pulled her into a hug, placing a kiss at her temple. He knew that seeing the childhood photos of him, Kaydel and his parents made her think about the absence of her own family._

_“Sweetheart, I know it will never stop hurting, but I want you to remember that family isn’t always the one you are born into. Finn and Rose are your family. As long as you will have me, I will be your family.”_

_“Ben,” She turned to look at him, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. “You aren’t my family. You’re my_ home. _"_

_~*~_

“Ben, you need to breathe. You’re going to give yourself a panic attack.” Gwen was slowly rubbing circles into his back. 

He picked up his glass and took a large swig, turning to look at her, eyes becoming glassy. “I don’t know how to turn off the way I feel.”

Hux leaned back in his chair, coming into view, “You need to tell her-” Ben bit out a bitter laugh, but Hux held up his hand to silence him. “You need to tell her how you feel. If you don’t you are going to regret it for the rest of your life. Questioning, ‘What if?’ everyday. Ben, I love seeing you miserable but even this has been too depressing for me to enjoy.”

Gwen shot the red-head a glare, “A for effort, but shut the fuck up Armitage.” she looked back at Ben and reached for his hand, “Ben, your paths have crossed again for a reason. Don’t let it pass you by.”

He took a deep breath, and gave her a nod before standing up. He turned and began walking toward the table. She was talking, throwing her hands about when suddenly she looked away from her group. Almost as if she could sense him, her eyes began searching the restaurant and fell upon him. He saw her pause, whatever she had been saying died on her tongue. Eyes growing large with realization, he watched as she averted her gaze and turned to Poe. 

He could feel his blood boil when she rested her hand on his arm, ducking her head close to him, and appearing to be whispering something to him. He watched as she turned back toward him and shimmied herself out of the booth. She ran her hand across her temple, pulling a stray strand back behind her ear as she walked over to him, gaze staying on the ground as she began to wring her hands together. When she was closer she looked up, eyes passive, and mouth in a slight grimace.

“Hi Ben,” she started, voice cracking as she did.

“Happy Birthday Rey,'' he responded, tone flat. “So I see they showed up this year, except now you have a new guy to buy you drinks.” He knew his malice was uncalled for, especially today of all days, but it was painful.

“ _Ben-_ ”

“No Rey. I know you always fell out of love so damn easily, but honestly-” trailing off, he let out a sigh.

_~*~_

_Ben was leaning against the bar, watching her dance, dress twirling as her face sparkled in the low light cast from the bar. She was in her own little world, pulling the gravity of the universe to her makeshift stage_

_Ben chuckled, his smile curling around the rim of his glass as he brought it to his lips. She was like a drug, every moment he spent with her was intoxicating, and he couldn’t get enough of her. He liked to think of it as fate that he met her. So many random occurrences that miraculously led him to her. She was his best friend and hopefully one day, his wife, given the ring his mother had forced upon him._

_It was sitting at the back of his closet, and would be for however long it needed to. They haven’t even shared that they loved each other yet. Well, he had, but she was unconscious and that was not something he wanted to analyze at the moment._

_He walked over to her, grabbing her hand and twirling her until she let out that adorable giggle. She reached to cradle her arms over his neck, forcing him to sway to her own beat regardless of the music playing overhead._

_He ducked his head a little, placing a kiss at the crown of her head before leaning forward to speak into her ear._

_“I think it’s time we go home sweetheart.”_

_She pulled away to scowl at him. The way her brow pinched and she forced a frown was beyond adorable. He fought in every way to keep from laughing at her, knowing she would just put up a further fight. He lightly tapped her nose, before bending down to kiss it._

_“C’mon, I bet we can have a lot more fun at home.”_

_He watched as she tried to fight a smile, pursing her lips and wagging her finger at him as her lips continued to turn up. Ben reached to grab the hand she was holding out, and began to pull her toward the exit as she laughed and wobbled after him. He knew she had had more than her fair share to drink and it definitely was beginning to hit her as she stumbled out the door and into the Manhattan air._

_Pulling her to the side of the sidewalk, he bent down and made to grab at her ankle, before thinking better of it._

_“Rey, hands on my shoulders.”_

_She giggled, “Sir, I would love to be fucked at this moment, but I don’t think either of us want an public indecennly-, indecentily-,”_

_“Indecency?”_

_“YES! That. We don’t want to be arrested for that.” She smiled down at him, proud of herself._

_Ben chuckled, “Hands on my shoulders sweetheart, don’t make me ask again.”_

_Her smile disappeared and he watched her eyes dilate before placing her hands there as he had asked. He reached to grab her ankle again, unbuckling the clasp at her heel before removing one and moving onto the next. He grabbed them both in one hand before spinning around with his back to her. He bent his knees and fell into a crouch, making sure to sink low enough for her small stature._

_“Alright, up you go.”_

_She jumped on, instantly twining her legs around his core, and wrapping her arms on his shoulders. She burrowed her face into his neck, and he could feel her hot breath tickling at his nape. He kept the small smile on his face as he secured his hold. He loved these little moments. Ones where he felt like his world spun on an axis centered by Rey._

_He made his way the few blocks to his condo, tightening his grip when he felt hers loosen, obviously exhausted from the night out. He would have thought her asleep if she hadn’t started squirming against his back once he stepped over his threshold._

_He crouched down, letting her off before turning to help her remove her coat. She gave a little grunt as her arm became tangled. Ben let out a soft chuckle, before reaching to stop her flailing, and pulling her arm out. He turned to hang the coat up and set her shoes at the door while she made her way toward the kitchen. At least that was his assumption of her destination as he heard the fridge open._

_He came around the corner just as she shut it and turned to lean against it, cracking open a water bottle and taking a few large gulps. Capping it, she placed it on the island before moving forward to wrap him in a hug, burying her face into his neck._

_He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, using the other to stroke her hair as he placed his cheek on the crown of her head._

_“How are you feeling sweetheart?”_

_She let out a soft hum, “Better, but mainly just tired. Happy to be home.”_

_He let his mouth tip into a smile, “Home. I like hearing you say that.” He pulled back to look at her, but she seemed to just grasp him tighter. He laughed but forced her to unlatch. She kept her gaze down and was biting her lip, “What’s up with you? Are you okay?”_

_Her gaze raised and met his eyes, “I love you.”_

_His mind went to static. Everything felt like he was underwater, his thoughts sluggishly treading through the water as they attempted to work their way to his consciousness. He knew he was staring into her eyes but it felt like he was staring through her. He was breaking down, lost in his own mind, not able to comprehend the words she had just spoken._

_“BEN!”_

_She had been calling his name but it wasn’t until her shout that he snapped back to himself, flinching away from her as her hands fell from his face with the distance he forced between them._

_She was scowling now. Ben knew he had fucked up majorly with his reaction, but he still couldn’t get his mouth to move and return her sentiment. Love him? How could she love him. He pursed his lips, rolling his tongue in his mouth trying to think of what to say._

_“But you have commitment issues,” he whispered, tone laced with confusion. As soon it slipped past his lips he knew his destructive error._

_She stumbled back at his words, almost as though they had physically struck her. He watched as her face grew red with fury and eyes glassy._

_Fuck, Foot meet mouth._

_“Wait! Rey that is not what I meant!”_

_Trying to salvage any thread he reached for her desperate to find control again, only to have her scramble a few more steps away. The tears began to flow down her face._

_“Didn’t you?” she spat the words at him, “Poor little orphan Rey too scared to be left alone, so she refuses to give her heart to anyone.” She shook her head as she let out a harsh laugh. “Fuck you Ben, I told you that you were MY HOME! That meant something! You should have known it meant something!”_

_He did know, deep down that she meant the words. He knew how hard it would have been for her to say them. He didn’t speak, swallowing with the bob of his adam’s apple and began running through a million different options of what he might be able to say to fix this._

_“Rey, I-”_

_“No Ben. Just don’t. This is exactly why-” she choked on a sob, “exactly why I don’t get close to people. They always fucking disappoint you, they leave you. I’m alone. I’m always alone and you are just like the rest of them.”_

_“Rey, you aren’t alone-” tears began leaking down his cheeks. He needed to fix this. He couldn’t lose her. Maker, don’t let him lose her._

_“Don’t you dare!” she hissed. She stalked past him heading toward his foyer. She grabbed her heels and coat making for the door. She reached for the knob, and in a last ditch effort chasing after her Ben caught her other hand. She didn’t wrench away this time, but kept her other hand on the door handle, refusing to turn and face him._

_“Rey, please-” his voice breaking._

_He heard her take a couple shallow breaths in an obvious attempt to steady her tone. “I’ll send Rose or Finn for my things.” She gave his hand a squeeze and walked out the door._

_The weight of the door closed itself, and Ben fell against it with a sob. Arms braced against it framing his face, he slammed his fists into it as a wail ripped from his throat. He spun around and sank to the floor against it, bringing his knees up to his chest._

_Why hadn’t he said it back? He’s wanted to say it to her for months. Why was he so scared once he knew she shared the sentiment. He brought his elbows to his knees, face falling into his hands as he pulled at his hair. How had his future shattered so quickly. Nine months gone in a matter of nine minutes. He lost her._

_He let his sobs carry him to sleep on the cold marble floor._

_~*~_

They just stood, three feet away, staring at each other. He watched her throat bob as she swallowed, teeth worrying at her lip as she tried to figure out what to say. Rey opened her mouth to respond, but Ben didn’t let her.

"You know? I don’t even care anymore. I just need to say it. I know you are able to fall out of love so easily but I believed that was because you had never had something as real as this. As real as us. I’ve been trying to not think of what happened as something tragic, but it was and I am breaking a little more each day we spend apart.” 

He took a breath, “I love you. I loved you before I even knew it was your birthday. I loved you when you said it to me three months ago, before I ruined everything. I love you still, and I can't let this slip me by.” He motioned between the two of them, and raised his eyes, willing the tears that had been building up not to fall. “A love like this strikes just once, not twice. I knew someday this would hurt and so I sabotaged it. I sabotaged us. I was scared to let it happen, but it happened and I can't forget it. If you've moved on I'll work every day and let you go, hoping your heart is free, but I really hope I don’t have to let you go."

He lowered his gaze once again to find Rey with her eyes glassy and lip trembling. Her arms wrapped tightly around herself as though she were trying to hold herself together.

_~*~_

_Ben awoke to the barking of his neighbor's dog. Looking over his shoulder he found Rey still asleep. It wasn’t surprising, like every other night she was dead to the world._

_He reached for the phone on the nightstand, checking the time before rolling over to face her. She had wisps of hair fluttering against her cheeks. Each little snore that came from her gently moving them, and Ben could just make out the slight twitches in her nose as they tickled._

_He reached forward to tuck the strands behind her ear, and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. The action elicited a muffled groan from her as she burrowed deeper into the down duvet. The corner of his mouth twitched up. He loved just how much she seemed at peace when she was asleep, and he also loved these moments because he could admit his feelings without worrying she would run away._

_“Rey, I love you.” He closed his eyes and fell back asleep for the remaining hours of nightfall._

_~*~_

His heart was shattering all over again, “Rey, I love you,” He let out in a sob.

She let out a small laugh that broke into a sob of her own, “I know.” She closed the distance, reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair as their lips met. He started for only a second before wrapping his arms around her small frame. It felt like coming home. She pulled away to look him in the eyes, lines in her foundation had formed where her tears had fallen. “I missed you.”

He untangled his arms so that he could touch her face. A hand cupping each side, he brought her close once again to place a kiss on her forehead. He released it and tilted his head down to rest against hers. He let out a sigh and let his eyes fall closed.

“What is it about this bar?” he whispered.

“I mean, crazier things have happened.” she chuckled back.

“Where do we go from here? What now?”

“Now,” she pulled away and looked at him with a tear streaked smile, “Now you take me home. The rest can wait until tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This is now my first official completed fic and it was a blast to write!
> 
> I'm currently working on an Aladdin AU [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24669805/chapters/59614213) if that may peak your interest! You can also find me on twitter @bazaroff23 <3
> 
> Stay a while, leave a comment, I love you all 🥰


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